My Dear Odessa!
Written by KeiyaT
When “It” occurs, that vague inner knowing that “something” is not quite right. Yet, there is nothing to hang “what it is” on. No hook, no common understanding. It is only a deep inner knowing feeling beginning to stir.
“It” happens to each of us, at different times, places, and for different reasons…
“It” comes as a sense of not being content with aspects of our personal life that are not working. This understanding may begin to peek “itself” into our awareness early or later in life. There is not hard fast rule to when it will happen. Along with it comes a deep desire to find what will open true contentment and release what is not working in our personal life.
This short video I move through a change and growth process regarding my first prejudicial memory.
As a child of mixed heritage, I faced challenges in my life that contributed to both strengths and weaknesses in life. Both are a gift that leads me to a greater understanding of myself, my families and the struggles we endured. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to live in this life at this time.
In this video I expresses about prejudice and shame my lifetime from people I never expected it from. Innocently, the younger me believed that everyone believed as I did at seven years old, “We are children of a Heavenly Father who loves all of us and all of us are His children and brothers and sisters to each other.
This incident in my life taught me that life is not loving and that I was alone in a predominately white culture and more alone with the black minority of the same culture in southern Nevada, 1964.
Photo credits: Unsplash and Keiya’s family album.
Music Credit: Hand Massive, Luminous Emptiness, The Secret of Kissing the Sun and Moon.
This Journey is Not the Same for Everone
I believe we have each come to this earth existance with certain lessons, tasks and life work to fulfil; so our paths are different, even if we are from the same family of origin, same community, schools, or spiritual backgrounds.
The Early Years
As babies we are a bright light! Living fully within the sounds, images, and feelings of our hearts. Little by little we are socialized through language and acceptance and rejection of wanted and unwanted behaviors. We learned quickly how to keep life as peaceful as we understood how to do so, while seeking our basic physical, safety, plus love and belonging needs met. Though this path we learned our family culture. We began the proess of cultivating both our ancestoral strenghts and weaknessess. All a preparation for the stage of our life’s challenges. The very ones that would open the door to seeking deeper understanding and set us on the path of seeking our Truest Innermost Higher Self.
Where Does the Strength Come From?
This differs from family to family. Some of us were raised with principles that bulid mental strength. Such as learning honesty, integrity, resepect for self and others. Add to this an understanding that people are not perfect and make mistakes because we are all in the process of learning and growing up together in this life; and we have created a fertile soil for each of us to begin to develop compassionate hearts for each other.
Compassion did not come this easy in our home. There were secrets and pride, appearances that needed to be maintained for reputation sake. When there was conflict it was handled with more conflict, isolation. Without much tenderness or playing on my mother’s part. She too, like many others in her generation was trying to figure out how to grow up, at the same time with her children. Many of us have a parent that teaches us we are of value and how to have mental strength. In our family this was my father’s blessing to me.
From my father’s knee I learned I matter and that I could handle whatever life will throw at me. He taught me to stay with “What is” instead of wishing it was something else. He taught me I can not change others; only seek to understand them while being true to myself. Because the only things that are mine to change are my own thoughts, my own feelings and my own behaviors. And improvement comes through letting go of the chatter in my head to align with the truth of who I am in my heart.
This was the beginning of my journey, to marry my false self, with my true innermost Higher True Self. This was the beginning of my search for inner peace.
THE DAY MY WRITING BEGAN
Growing up in a caucasian neighborhood, I was painfully aware that I was “different.” I was the merging of a mixed pot heritage from both may father’s and mother’s peoples. My birth certificate proclaimed “white” yet my coloring and manner of interacting were different.
At seven years old, I came home from school because no one would play with me, except Odessas, my beautiful black friend. Yet this too was soon crushed! She invited me to come play at her home and we did. Only to find her mother standing with her arms crossed looking down on us! I was terrified, not understanding why she was yelling, “Odessea! You are to NEVER, NEVER, BRING HER HOME AGAIN!!!”
My dear friend asked her mother, “Why?” and her mother yelled at me, “BECAUSE SHE IS NOT EVEN WHITE!!”
I ran all the way home, shocked, crying and staight into the bathroom to wash the brown dirt off of my face. This was the start of my seach and writings regarding, “Who am I really?” and “Why am I here?”
Keiya is a counselor, counseling hypnotehrapist and life challenges coach helping others through their life challenges, growth, and life changes. She resides in British Columbia Canada wtih her husband.
Written by KeiyaT
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